Monday, February 22, 2010
A Chat with Petrus
I stood in the middle of the living room my hands behind my back staring around my home. It looked almost exactly as the house I had grown up in. With the exception of course that it wasn’t a Villa in Rome nor was it two thousand years old. But the house was a huge quaint Victorian home and very beautiful on the inside. Aro really did know how to choose a house well.
Since our little argument, Petrus had stayed at a distance from me, which was good, I had no idea why I was having all these ranging human emotions and I didn’t like it either. I wasn’t used to not having control over my emotions. Normally I could remain cool and calm during any given situation. But lately, I was a wreck. I supposed it was because I was human now and not a vampire. I still was not sure if I liked being human. I had never wanted to be a vampire, but right now, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be human. I wasn’t sure I want to exist anymore. But that was a subject I was going to think about later.
I felt oddly out of place standing in my own home. It felt as if I was in another time, the world stopped spinning and for a moment, I could see my sister running through the room crashing into me with her doll in one hand and a sweet treat from the cook in another, and then she vanished as fast as she came. I blinked and turned to Petrus whom, I owed an apology too. He had helped me with this after all.
“Petrus..” I started
“It’s alright.” He said coming towards me. “I understand you’re dealing with some shit you probably never got a chance to deal with. Aro can be very over powering cant he?”
“You’ve no idea.” I said shaking my head.
“I’m beginning to get the picture though.”
“He runs the show in Volterra, and his presence is felt all over the world, yet the fragile humans that he so despise have no clue that he is in so much power. I.. Petrus I really do not want to go back there. I felt so trapped in Volterra. Like there was no way out, I had nowhere else to go.” Petrus laid his hands gently on my shoulders and looked into my eyes.
“I swear to you, Alessandra, that you won’t have to go back to Volterra. We have all your things here now anyway, and Aro didn’t even notice that you were gone let alone that I was there. He’ll forget about you in time, you’ll see. And if he doesn’t, he hasn’t visited Carlisle in two hundred years, so I doubt he’ll think about you again soon.
“And what if he does?”
“Then we’ll think of something.” He leaned closer into me. I stepped backwards. He was still a vampire after all. “I’m not going to bite you.” He stated.
“ That’s not the point. You could kill me and I wouldn’t mind.” I stated. He stared at me.
“Aro would kick my ass if I killed you.”
“Aro.” I stated and shook my head. “ Petrus, I have no reason to live. Aro, stole my life, my family everything from me and made me immortal to live forever with nothing but memories to sustain me.” Tears came to my eyes as I finally told him what I had told Carlisle, or what I didn’t have to tell him, what he had guessed. He stood there for a few moments letting what I had said sink in and then he stared at me.
“Aro killed your family?” He asked now. I nodded. “ His red eyes suddenly filled with understanding. “Alessandra, I am not going to kill you so you can run away from your problems. You’ve lived your whole life in the past. Its time to face the future and realize that they aren’t coming back no matter how much you want them too.”
“I know.” And I did know that eventually I was going to have to face the feature if I wanted to fit in as a normal human being. I was trying to face it, I was trying to put the past behind me. But I just didn’t know how. I didn’t know who I was or how I was going to find myself. I had read thousands of books, I knew thousands of things. But the problem was that I didn’t know what made me happy. I had always dwelt in the past. I had kept my past life very close to me. The Roman artifacts, the ancient Roman things I had done when I was alive, I had continued to do. But was that who I was anymore? I had changed in two thousand years, and I was terrified of stepping away from the past and becoming something other than the Priestess I was raised to be. I was terrified of stepping away from the past because I was sure that I was going to lose those memories. It was hard to explain to someone like Petrus who only just became a vampire.
“I understand, that you miss them. But at least they were dead when you became a vampire. My family is still out there.”
“I’m sure they are still out there. I did have relatives.” I said. “ I don’t remember them, I rarely saw them. But I did have relatives and my sister… She wasn’t among the captives nor was she killed in the…” I blinked. I never saw my sister’s body. I stared at Petrus.
“Do you think she lived then?” I shrugged.
“It’s hard to say if she did or not. “ He nodded.
“I will help you, find out who you are. We’ll try new things, see what you like. Introduce you to things you already know too. We’ll figure it out together and Alessandra, don’t shut me out. You need someone, you don’t think you do, but I know that you do.”